Starbucks Ruminations

A person's reality is formed by their experiences in life.  A person abused as a child learns distrust and fear of others. A narrative forms in their mind, a belief system that they are not worthy of respect and love from others and that others will undoubtedly hurt them and let them down, leave them. All input passes through the lens of this narrative becoming distorted. A person lives in the reality they create in their mind and truly believes the distortions their lens has produced. These distortions are then projected as truth out into the world because it is the only truth they can comprehend. Kindness, love, compassion are viewed as scams and lies. Differences are viewed as validation of the narrative. Adults have the ability to change their narrative, change the lens. It really is a choice. A person can make a choice to learn new thought patterns. A person can make a choice to accept they are flawed and accept responsibility for their behaviors triggered by their distortions. A person can seek resources to help them be a better version of themselves. They just have to want it enough to make the first step. And keep taking steps every day. Day after day. Change is work. Constant hard work. Even though their narrative creates a painful and lonely existence, it's still a comfortable existence because they know it, they don't need to do anything to achieve it, it just is. It's all they've ever known.

This is why there is a mental health crisis. It's easier to keep status quo than it is to effect change. We live our lives in a connected state, with limitless access to people supporting our narratives. Healthy or not, a person can find "facts" or quotes or even stylish memes to support their distorted perception. A person may see a quote about not falling in love with a certain someone because this certain someone wants them to seek treatment for their mental illness and therefore must not truly love the real them, and think "this makes sense" because it validates the distorted narrative of they are not worthy of love.

If a person suffers from a mental illness, is aware they are afflicted and they are aware their illness negatively affects those around them, their loved ones, but refuses to seek treatment, how long should those loved ones subject themselves directly to this illness? Is wanting someone to be truly happy, wanting someone to find peace and solace within themselves mean you do not love them for their true self? When does supporting someone become enabling someone? Is understanding a person's motivations providing justification for their hurtful behaviors? How does one continue to withstand the consequences of a loved one's behaviors while maintaining their own good mental health for which they work very hard to achieve?