An Honest Look

Honesty.  How much is necessary?  How much is healthy?  Does every thought, feeling and action need to be disclosed to everyone in order for you to be considered a truthful person? 

I consider myself to be a truthful person.  If you ask me a question, I will answer truthfully.  I will tell you what I feel is relevant, pertinent and appropriate to the situation, at that time.  But does that make me a liar?  If you ask me what’s wrong, I may answer with I don’t feel well; an accurate and honest statement.  I may even offer that my tummy is quite upset.  I’ve made an honest revelation to your question with a supporting explanation.  Is that sufficient?  Or should I include that the vomiting and explosive diarrhea I’ve had for the past hour is the real reason I don’t feel well?  Is that information necessary for my statement to be truthful?  If I don’t share that information, one could say I’m withholding information which is also considered lying.  Did I, in fact, lie to you by keeping personal details as to why I’m not feeling well to myself?  Is full disclosure necessary? 

If the argument is no, not in every situation; then who is it that decides which situations are appropriate?  Is there a person out there or an unwritten code of conduct that decides which of my thoughts, my feelings and my actions I must disclose in order for the title of “truthful” to be bestowed upon me?

If you ask me a question and my answer is honest and truthful in that moment; am I now no longer able to change my mind?  If I do change my mind, does that mean I have now lied to you?  If you ask me at 8 am if I want to catch a movie later and I answer yes; when you ask again at 8 pm and my answer is no, did I lie 12 hours previous or have my thoughts, feelings and intentions just changed?  Is the reason they changed required to be divulged for honesty to happen?  If my reason is because I’m tired now, do I need to list the reasons that caused me to be tired in their entirety?  When is it enough?  How much honesty is enough and necessary?

I had a partner once divulge a truth to me.  She felt she was doing the right thing because she was being honest with me about her thoughts and feelings.  I felt her truthful divulgence was hurtful.  I felt she could have told me her truth about how she was feeling without this particular detail.  Is complete and full disclosure necessary, or healthy, even in committed intimate relationships?  Her truth was that when she masturbates, she imagines herself with other people.  Was it absolutely necessary I know this information or could she have just told me she’s feeling unsatisfied with our relationship; that she has needs I am no longer meeting?  That truth would have been hard enough to process, was the supporting detail necessary as well?

Do we expect too much? Is full disclosure even possible?  Is it possible to share every thought, every emotion and every action?  And again, is it necessary?  Is there no such thing as a private thought?  Can you still have private thoughts and be considered honest?  I just don’t know anymore…