Saturday, February 11, 2012

King of the Mountain


The shitshow that is my life has no easy fix.  There is no magic wand to wave over a pumpkin, transforming it into my chariot.  I’m not going to come home one day to find my dilapidated house replaced with a mansion. I have no delusions of grandeur.  There is no fairytale “happily ever after,” life requires work.  I know the only way out of this mess is to fight, scratch and claw my way back out of this hole. But this hole, dug by countless poor choices and mistakes, has only grown deeper and steeper as the years have passed.  At times, the light above is just a faint glimmer, the dark walls emanate their sadness, permeating my essence, poisoning my spirit.  There have been moments I feel I’m making progress, to at least stand on level ground, but I always lose my footing, fall flat on my ass and find myself right back where I started, only a little more bruised, a little more hurt, and with a little more despair with each slip.  Yet each time, I pull myself back to my feet, brush the dust and dirt off my knees and shoulders, and begin the climb again.  With renewed determination and vigor, I fight the fight, in absolute refusal to be bested by anything life throws at me.

The casualties of my battles have been a loss of blood, sweat and many, many tears; broken hearts, broken dreams and broken homes.  But where there are casualties, there are also victories and my victories have been plentiful.  While I am currently still in my hole, my victories have provided me the tools I need to build myself a ladder, to finally rise and conquer.   The light from above is bright and warm.  There will be more failures, more setbacks, but with perseverance, I know I will come out on top.  My proverbial hole will become a mountain, and I will be king.


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