I Thought You Might Be Wondering...

Yesterday I was full of angst.  I was idling, wasting time waiting to go to work when I recognized the dread.  I do not want to go there; I do not want to be there.  There is no redeeming value for me, no qualities about my job that I find rewarding or endearing.  I go because of the paycheck.  Upon recognizing this fact, I felt discouraged.  You see, I do not give a damn about money.  It really holds no value for me aside from the necessity of it to survive in this society.  I consider it a necessary evil.  As much as I would like to move to a commune somewhere and live off the land, unfortunately I am too familiar with this way of life, this hustle and bustle and I’m not sure I would do well with that kind of transition.  Plus, I know nothing of gardening; it’s all I can do to keep a spider plant alive.  And forget about carpentry, I would end up sleeping in a ragtag lean to.  I’m not sure what kind of value I would bring to a commune, so it’s really only a fantasy of an idea.  With that being understood, I now must find a way to better adapt to this capitalistic way of life.  If money is a must, then I must find a way to earn a suitable amount in a way that stirs my soul and challenges my mind.  One thing is for sure; spending most of my day staring at a blank wall and smiling on cue isn’t getting it done.  But what will?  And how can I best make that transition?  Those are the thoughts rattling around in my brain today, just in case you were wondering…

Point... BREAK

I was once vibrant and malleable, so full of light and love and laughter.  Nothing could bring me down.  I could bend with the stress, I could adapt to the changes presented.  However, now my light is barely visible and I am stretched and bent as far my being will allow.  I have hardened after years of unrelenting pressure.  And now, I stand before you, cracking under the weight of my world.  This is my breaking point.  I feel I could shatter at any moment, explode from within, sending shards of me billowing out in a cloud, raining down onto the ground where I once stood.  But then it will be too late, I will be beyond repair.  Something needs to give now… before that something is me.