A Fantasy Life

I lie down, belly full, feeling completely wiped out.  As I kick off my shoes, I realize I have a little fantasy playing out in my head.  I have this idea of a love being there, taking my shoes off for me and giving my feet a quick rub as she tosses my shoes aside.  Then she crawls up beside me, rubs her hands up my back, fingers through my hair.  The part that really seals the fantasy though, is the feeling of love and completeness.  And then it hits me, I just want to be loved.  My fantasy life isn’t anything crazy or unattainable… or is it?

English?

I was born in the United States of America to a nice lesbian couple.  I know nothing more of my heritage other than my biological parents are white and speak English.  You would think this has worked to my advantage, as English is quite prevalent in the areas of this country that I have lived.  However, I tend to think the version of English I speak only works in school and work settings.  Somehow, family members and romantic partners only hear gibberish coming out of my mouth and communication is never successful.  I hear them speaking what appears to be the only language I know, but for some reason or another, what I’m saying doesn’t compute with them.  It’s quite distressing.  My mother and my son both just look at me like I’m squawking and generally ignore me outright.  I have slightly more success with women, however, what they “hear” isn’t really what I said at all.  It’s like the telephone game, where the message kind of sounds the same but gets lost in the multiple transfers.  Only, there’s just the one transfer, so I’m not really sure wherein the confusion lies.  It is so frustrating.  Heartache always ensues eventually.  Was there a memo about a new second version of English and I missed it?  I mean, I feel I’m speaking clearly and plainly- “Let’s take this slow, date, enjoy each other.  No pressure, no expectations.”  But she hears “I want to marry you, burden you with my baggage and live with you FOREVER!”  Did I miss something?  Does no pressure and no expectations equate to marriage and babies?  I don’t think it does, unless Websters has published a new meanings dictionary of which I am not aware. ...Maybe it was in that memo…